Part 3: Returning

Is this a love letter to home?

I’ve recently returned home from a 6 week visit to Cuzco, Perú. This was my first experience with travelling for an extended period on my own.

This is the third in a three part series analyzing my experience with solo travel, my thoughts on solo travel as a married person, and my ambivalence about returning to regular life.

Part 1: Was that really solo travel?

Part 2: Travelling solo while married

You can also listen, if you don’t mind hearing the neighbour’s dog out for his early morning bark.

Slipping back into your favourite chair?

I have to wonder. Do people usually just sink back into their daily lives, as soon as they’ve unpacked their suitcases and had a decent night’s sleep?

Or are they like me? I always struggle with getting back into the groove, particularly now that I don’t have a job that immediately takes up all the oxygen.

I’ve been home for 3 weeks, but my mind is still far away, recalling the adventures, remembering the streets of my neighbourhood, and thinking about what I would do if I went back. I’m still not fully present here; I’ve left some part of myself behind.

Over the last 3 weeks I’ve thought a lot about the advantages and disadvantages of travel vs. staying at home. I think it is important to document these things honestly. I’m prone to believing that life is always better on the road, and that I’m always happiest when I travel. Of course, this isn’t entirely true. It’s not all rainbows and roses.

So I’m going to try to focus on the best parts of being home. At least for now.

I love to read. I always have a book on the go, often I have many books, in multiple formats, on the go. I am surrounded by stacks of books from the library, and from my own collection. Reading is a huge part of my life.

But often the habit of reading diminishes when I’m away from home. While I was in Perú I read only one book – and it was specific to an archeological site I was visiting. I did not finish a single book in the entire month of April! The book I was reading in Mexico (the first two weeks of my 2 months away) remains unfinished.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been immersed in books. I’m like a drunken sailor with fiction, non-fiction, ‘real’ books, and audiobooks – everything on the go, all at once. I’m so happy to be back to reading!

Since I’ve been home I’ve had lots of time with family. All the kids were home for Mother’s Day, and I took a short road trip with my sons last week. After 6 weeks of living a very solitary life, it was a bit overwhelming, but also fantastic to have everyone here.

I’m very fortunate to be close to my kids, and to have them make the effort to visit. We spent time on the water and playing games. There was lots of horseplay and silliness. I’m very lucky to have them.

Since I’ve been home, my diet has improved drastically. I’m back in the routine of regular and balanced meals, something I always neglect when I’m on my own. I always swear that I will do better, but in the end I devolve to the most basic of meals and a multi-vitamin.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve relaunched an old creative pursuit. My Peruvian guide, Joaquín, when he heard that I used to be a piano teacher, challenged me to take up the piano again. I’ve not played seriously for 20 years. My piano sits neglected unless my son comes home to play it.

This week, I’ve pulled out some of my favourite pieces, and I’m determined to get a few of them back to performance standard. Brahms, anyone?

I’m loving the immersive experience of practicing that was once such a big part of my life. Similar to when I draw or paint, an hour just disappears in a flash, as I’ve fallen completely into the zone.

But I’m also finding that the music makes me moody and emotional. It brings everything very close to the surface. I feel a bit like a teenager again, overwhelmed and filled with angst. This is part of the musician’s life that I had forgotten; the constant vibration that transmits the deepest longings of my heart. I’m not sure I can take it.

These are the things that might be better when I’m home. I’m willing to acknowledge that.

But here are the things that I miss most now that I am home.

I miss the energy and chaos of the streets of Cuzco. I can’t really explain it, although I did write about it in the piece ‘On the street where I live’. I walked for hours every day, dodging buses and cars as I crossed the busy streets, and moving through the crowds on sidewalks and squares. So different from my quiet Okanagan town, I adored the sounds, smells and sights of the city streets.

I miss bumping up against history at every turn; running my hand along the Incan stonework, climbing the ancient steps, and spending my days in places that hold so many stories.

I miss being surrounded by things I did not understand, questioning everything, and having to make extra effort to accomplish the most mundane of tasks. I loved the friction, confusion, and newness that filled every day.

I miss the adventures, the knowing that I would see something I had never seen before. The drives through the countryside, the altitude (even when I struggled to keep going), the incredible scenery. The sense of accomplishment that came with doing hard things.

I miss sitting on rocks in amazing places, eating bits of food shared from our packs. Choclo (Peruvian corn) purchased from a woman on the side of the highway, almonds, leftover quinoa tabbuleh, boiled eggs. Enough to fuel the next leg of our journey.

And then Joaquín would jump up and say ‘let’s go!’ It was always ‘let’s go!’

On the street where I lived

I miss pretending that this was, in fact, the street where I lived. I miss the feeling that I actually lived there; that I belonged there. I miss the feeling, as we drove back into the city after a great adventure, that we were driving back into MY neighbourhood.

Home is great – of course it is. I’m so very fortunate to live in ease and comfort, with time and resources to explore the world. I am the luckiest of humans. I should be entirely satisfied.

But I’d climb back on a plane tomorrow for the chance at another Andean adventure. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

They say ‘home is where the heart is’. At least a bit of my heart is still in Cuzco.

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Here are some very nice things readers have said in response to the rest of this series:

Thank you Eva from Evas' Destinations. Matt McMann, Sherry V. Chidwick, and Maria Tsoukalas, plus all the other commenters for sharing your thoughts.

I hope everyone will keep commenting and discussing. We are learning from each other.

JL Orr | Paradox & Sea Glass

Based in the Okanagan Valley of British Columbia in Canada

You can find me at Jumble of Sea Glass